Selah.. A Time To Pause

Wishing you a Blessed Chinese New Year 2012

2012-01-23T07:00:00.000+08:00

WISHING YOU AND FAMILY A BLESSED AND PROSPEROUS CHINESE NEW YEAR 2012. MAY THIS YEAR OF THE DRAGON BRING COUNTLESS BLESSINGS, JOY AND HAPPINESS!

Your grace is beyond me

2012-01-19T17:27:00.000+08:00

.......is very hard to do sometimes.

The experience of GRACE is being given something to us in love, despite the fact that we are undeserving of that something by justice. Sometimes, GRACE is given to us beyond human understanding. And the response given in response to this is "I am unworthy."

It is one thing to receive grace, it is another to HAVE GRACE.

I remembered asking God again and again to teach me grace. But what I forgot is the PACKAGE THAT CAME WITH IT.

And that is to have grace at all times. Even my CG leader shot me off, simply saying, "Excuse me, did you remember when you've been there before? Now you expect people to perform as you are? CHILL!!!"

And he's right. *SMACK*

By that statement alone, he's just shown grace to me. So should I.

Lord, it is only by Your grace shown and manifested in my daily life that I begin to see Your grace magnified in my life. I long to know Your grace even deeper, and with that teach me to. I love You more each day because You first loved us. Amen.

STOP SOPA.

2012-01-19T12:52:00.000+08:00

Was googling images on SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act). This is what I ended up with:

SOPA = SOUP

The Election Sentiments...

2012-01-19T08:30:00.000+08:00

Face Palm Day

2012-01-18T17:11:00.000+08:00

It is one of those days when words aren't enough to describe the stupidity and ridiculous execution of a project.

TAKE THAT, EXTREME FACE PALM.

SPECIAL MESSAGE: STOP SOPA

2012-01-18T17:07:00.002+08:00

9gag Addiction - Island Deception

2012-01-18T13:03:00.000+08:00

Friendzoned. LOL

2012-01-17T14:15:00.002+08:00

Ahh, the complicated part of relationships.

9gag moment - True Story

2012-01-17T14:05:00.000+08:00

My Baby in the News Today

2012-01-16T13:10:00.000+08:00

Colourful fanfare: (From left) Ivory deputy chief operating officer Goh Chin Heng, Loh, Kebun Bunga assemblyman Jason Ong, Wong, Ivory chief operating officer Datuk Ooi Chin Loo and Komtar assemblyman Ng Wei Aik launching the project.

A DEVELOPER is building 554 low medium-cost apartment units along Lebuhraya Halia in Tanjung Tokong, Penang.

Currently 30% complete, the 38-storey Taman Bukit Erskine developed by Ivory Villas Sdn Bhd, a subsidiary company of Ivory Properties Group Berhad, is expected to be completed in 2014.

Ivory Properties Group Berhad executive director Ron Loh said each unit with a built-up area of 654sq ft comes with three bedrooms, a bathroom and a washroom.

“Despite being a low-medium cost project, the apartments offer good views,” he said in a press conference at Penang Time Square on Friday.

He added that the project was abandoned for 11 years due to the 1997 economic crisis and was revived when Ivory took up the project as a white knight in 2007.

Originally named Fettes Villa, the project was later renamed Mount Erskine Development which consists of The Peak Residences, The Latitude and Taman Bukit Erskine.

Loh said the group had since changed the initial 500sq ft layout plan to 654sq ft and increased the units from 363 to 554.

He also said former purchasers who had paid the deposit in the previous project can opt to purchase the units or get a full refund next year.

“According to a court order, we can only refund the deposit a year after we launch this project.

“So far, 30% of the 363 former purchasers wanted to continue with this project,” he said.

State Town and Country Planning, Housing and Arts Committee chairman Wong Hon Wai who launched the project said that he had contacted Rapid Penang to consider plying the route there.

“They used to ply the route but in 2007, they stopped due to poor response.

“I suggest that the bus company conduct a study on the need to service the route there since the apartments are coming up,” he said.

He added that the public could send their feedback to Rapid Penang at rapidcare@rapidpg.com.my.

Wong also said that since 2008, seven abandoned projects including Taman Bukit Erskine had been revived and were at different stages of completion.

The projects are Desa Aman in Paya Terubong, Taman Cemerlang in Bandar Baru Air Itam, Mengkuang Heights and Taman Guar Perahu Indah in Central Seberang Prai, Taman Orkid Indah in North Seberang Prai and Taman Pekatra in South Seberang Prai.

On a related issue, Wong said the request for proposal (RFP) period for the revival of the Majestic Heights project in Paya Terubong ended on Jan 6.

He added that the Malaysia Building Society Berhad and the property liquidator Deloitte Kassim Chan had called for the RFP on Oct 7 last year.

“Phase 2A, 2B and 3A have been abandoned.

“They are going through the submissions by several developers.

“We hope that the phases can be completed soon after being abandoned for more than 10 years,” he said.

-The Star Online-

Blast from the Past II

2012-01-13T12:01:00.000+08:00

Ling and me - Bali 2008

Ko, Khye Zhee, Yen, Ling

Ling, Ellex, Khye Zhee, Yen, Yin

That's me behind Ai Mei's ketiak.
Eric, Ai Mei, me, Greg, Ben, Chris!

SOT's "mission trip" to CHOJB.

EMERGE 2007!

BATAM EMERGE 2008!

SOT from CHOJB

Graduation of SOT batch 2008!

Jon & Rhoda!

Me & Ailin

That's me wearing the board!

SOT again!

That year, I experienced not ONE, but TWO GRADUATIONS, ONE WEEK APART. It was an amazing experience, not forgetting the fact that MOM was with me the whole time throughout. She took a bus all the way to JB and accompanied me to Singapore, and all the way back to Penang. My mom's the boss!

Wait for it....

Wait for it.....

Graduated: Weeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Blast from The Past

2012-01-12T12:38:00.000+08:00

I need more pictures of my past. PRONTO.

The Renovation, Birthdays and The View

2012-01-11T13:00:00.000+08:00

Some Pictorial Updates!

Disclaimer: Very Random Pictorial Updates.

Boarding the Airbus380.

Joshua and Angie's Little White Christmas

Church's Christmas Decoration.

Khye Zhee's Starter at Berlin's House. LOL

When in Berlin, Do as the Berlin does.

Japanese for Lunch for the Birthday Girl.

Italian for Dinner for the Birthday Girl.

Me again

My bracelet is pretty

The Little Sis

THE pizza

THE pasta.

Two thumbs, err... Fork and Spoon up!

RENOVATION - THE INSTALLATION OF THE SMART TV

STEP 1: STARE REALLY CLOSELY AT THE TV

STEP 2: KEEP STARING.

DON'T YOU EVEN DARE MOVE YOUR EYES ELSEWHERE

STEP 3: KEEP STARING.

STEP 4: KEEP STARING.

BY THIS TIME, YOU'D HAVE FAILED STEP 3. TWICE

QUESTION: WHERE IS THE NEWSPAPER LOCATED?

STEP 5: YOU'D SCROLL UP TO SEARCH FOR A CLUE

STEP 6: AND THEN BACK TO THIS PICTURE.

YOU'VE BEEN TROLLED.

NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT:

VIEW FROM MY OFFICE TODAY. NICE....

I just thank God for His blessings, His wisdom, His grace, His presence in my life.
I thank God for the food and fellowship.
OFF TO LUNCH!

MINISTRY

2012-01-11T00:00:00.000+08:00

I miss the carefree lifestyle, where I just cared about nothing in the world except myself.

I miss spending time with my friends.

I miss the crap-talking, idling at shopping malls, playing wormz till the ungodly wee hours of the day.

I miss being ignorant and oblivious to the changes and progress taking place around me.

I miss being a kid.

I miss spending time with my family, my parents, siblings and friends.

I miss serving in the house of God.

I miss giving bible classes, going to leadership meetings, the fellowships; the Stress-The-Hell-Out preparations for events, "Fay-Loh-Ships", the bed-time storytelling sessions, sharing of secrets, discipleships.

I miss meeting new people, learning new things, influencing others.

I miss seeing lives transformed by His Grace.

Most of all,

I can't wait to be an adult.

Responsibility. Commitment. Influence. Grace. Love.

I can't wait to grow to the next level.

I can't wait for "I" to become "We". (Ahem)

Great Music to Start/ End the Day

2012-01-10T01:00:00.000+08:00

Love.

2012-01-09T03:00:00.000+08:00

If the Bible is torn into pieces, burnt into ashes and throwned in the seas, thus ceasing to exist, then let one word, above and beyond all other words prevail. LOVE. LOVE is the reason. LOVE never fails.

Muffling Thoughts

2012-01-07T10:08:00.000+08:00

When I pass away,
I want VIVA LA VIDA by Coldplay to be played in my funeral, as a quirky touch to the celebration of my life.
I also desire that DON'T LET IT BREAK YOUR HEART by Coldplay is also played in my funeral, as an inspiration for my closest friends to live life!

That's all. :-P

I Used To.. Now I

2012-01-06T23:00:00.000+08:00

I used to think that adults don't understand us. Now I cannot understand children.
I used to say I can't wait to grow up. Now I wish I was still a kid.
I used to think that studying hard will make me rich. Now I realize that I only become rich by studying people, studying stock market and become my own boss.
I used to snigger when a couple starts to kiss each other. Now I wish I was that couple.
I used to think that money grew on trees. Now I realize money grows by selling our soul to our bosses.
I used to say money is not everything. Now I realize money IS everything.
I used to tell off my mom she doesn't let me hang out with my friends. Now I want to spend more time with her.
I used to ask my dad for permission if my mom doesn't allow me to go out. Now I ask my mom for permission if my dad doesn't allow me to go out.
I used to say barbie dolls are like the queen of all toys. Now I say GOLD is the queen of all toys.
I used to think that money no enough. Now I think money is even more no enough.
I used to hate my brother for being so annoying. Now I wish he was annoying to me.
I used to think my sister is hotter than me. Now I think we're both hot, must be the genes.
I used to say yes to peer pressure. Now I just do it MY way like a boss.
I used to say I want to marry a rich kid. Now I only want a Man.
I used to say nothing is enough for me.Now, I thank God for my daily needs, and know that He will come through for me.

My First Home

2012-01-05T13:00:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary,

Today, I just acquired my first home.
Today, I became a proud owner of a home.
Today, I just became a bankrupt after slotting my *$s off for 3 years.
Today, I just sold my soul to the bank.
Today, I am contented, and ready to grow to the next level.

Amen!

NYR 2012

2012-01-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

Anticipating that the world would soon come to an end according to Mayan calendar, here are my new year resolutions for year 2012:
1) Finances
Reduce Debts - 80%, First Quarter of Year
Savings - 10% of income, one Year
Investment - 5% of income, Second Half of Year
Fixed Deposit - 5% of income, First Half of Year

2) Family
Treat Parents out at least once a month
Go out with sister at least once a month
Visit Brother/relatives (whenever possible) in KL
Learn how to Cook from Mom
Learn Parents Group of friends - repertoire
Go karaoke with parents at least once in two months

3) Health
Gym 3x a week - Tues, Wed, Saturday
Supplements for vitality - Daily

4) Career
Improve Relationship with colleagues (Internal and External Dept)
Establish Fund to carry out projects
Set Lists of Jawatankuasa directly and indirectly involved - Priorities
Meeting SchedulesChronologies, Timeline for ALL projects

5) Character
Practice Patience
Practice Prayer Before Speech
Practice Confidence not Arrogance
Practice Social ettiquette
Practice Discretion
Practice Anger Management (LOL)
Practice Keeping Promises
Most of all, practice acquiring the Fruits of the Spirit

6) Spiritual Growth
Tithe
Fellowship with CG members
Increase prayer hours from 15min average to 30min average per day
Serve in CG ministry
Pray and covet for Worship ministry
Pray for increase to 7 regular members by April 2012

7) Others
Update the wardrobe with dresses
Increase Social Network, notwithstanding from the government circle.
Update the Knowledge - Masters/PHD
Get a Life Partner - Pray

26 Things I Did While I was 26 years old

2011-12-26T09:09:00.000+08:00

1) Entered the MAS ENRICH VIP lounge

KLIA's Enrich lounge.

On my way to Malacca to finalize the Conservation Management Plan for the George Town World Heritage Site.Hopefully, more to come, that I may one day wait in the lounge not as a guest, but as an ENRICH MEMBER! (And everyone say....Amen!)

(2) till (10) : Because year 2011 is ALL ABOUT ATTENDING FUNCTIONS AND EVENTS.

Majlis Penghijauan Jalan Carnavon, Carnavon St, 29 Jan 2011

Induction Course Part II, Port Dickson, 22 Dec 2010

Farwell Function of Pn Maimunah binti Sharif, General Manager of GTWHI, current YDP of MPSP.

Special Area Plan - That's a whole milestone altogether. :). And that's me giving the introduction.

56th Anniversary of the Penang State Museum. 14 Apr 2011.

My Department's initiative - Sg Pinang, 23 Jun 2011.
from left: My Boss (standing) and My EX BOSS (sitted). Oh, the irony!

George Town World Festival 2011 Opening Ceremony 7 July 2011

The Ladies

Raya Open House by my department.

And a few other functions which I did not manage to take any pictures. But I'm grateful and thankful for all the opportunity to attend these functions, which enables me to expand my networks, and made new acquaintances in the process.

One thing in particular that I've experienced throughout my travels, mainly domestic (Ipoh, Kuala Lumpur, Seremban, Malacca) - There's nothing like home. Nothing beats having a home cooked meal served to your table, nothing beats sleeping in the comfort of your smelly pillow and smelly bed, nothing beats having your family and friends with you, face to face. That's all that matters.

11) Threatened, Assaulted, and Harassed in Public - Prangin Mall Car Park

...And never parked at Prangin Mall ever since then.

12) Released our beloved BooBoo (my little brother's tortoise) to a dam.

I miss Boo Boo already. Its favourite hobby was to watch the television. Wonder if it's still alive in Air Itam Dam? :-)

(13) to (15) : BECAUSE It involves 3 Separate functions
Organized my first Event - Publicity of the Special Area Plan and Conservation Management Plan of the George Town World Heritage Site. 12 Apr 2011 - 18 May 2011.

(i) THE EXHIBITION. Level 2, KOMTAR.

The Exhibition Panels

Prep talk for the secretariats.

(ii) THE PRESS CONFERENCE. 12 Apr 2011.
from left: My boss, CM and YB Wong.

The committee members

(iii) THE PUBLIC TALK. Sunday. 8 May 2011.
That's me (again) giving an opening talk!

The consultant director debriefing the public.

16) Reunited with a Long Lost Friend - And Attended her Wedding thereafter.

Jane Tan Yun Ngar - She's been in my prayer list for a very long time, and one whom I finally reconciled after 10 years - via facebook. The best part is that she invited me to her wedding dinner, 3 days after. What an honour it was. Congratulations Jane and your new hubby!

17) Did my first Paint It Yourself Picture.

It hangs proudly under my bed! Yay! =_=''

18) Started the Iris Folding Craft

(note to self: time to revive this hobby.)

19) Rainforest World Music Festival 2011

A Dream Come True. Always wanted to attend one since 2007. I even recorded my first post here! And now, I proudly present to you, my very own RWMF 2011! Woooooooo hoooooo!!!

Kuching International Airport

The supposedly famous Sarawakian Laksa. Ahem.

THE Belacan Mee

Delicious Kuih

The Lamborghini

The REASON I LIVE!!!!!!

Note to self: It's a real skull, which used to belong on someone's head.

Needless to say, I had the time of my life (HIT IT BLACK EYE PEAS!.[awkward silence....].). But On the last night of the RWMF 2011, I received a call which literally made me break down. But no tears. Absolutely no tears came trickling down. And I didn't want to burden my friends with the news. But their support and respect for silence warmth my heart.

20) Lost my Po Po.

My dad called to break the news. It was heartbreaking. My mom was devastated. My grandma was the epitome of grace, and demure character. My mother takes after her, and I only hope that if I ever achieve half of who my grandmother was, I would be a great person already. I couldn't believe it, since the doctor said that my grandma was ready to be discharged to be brought back home, fully recovered. 2 days later, she passed away, in her home of almost 50 years. This home had been the gathering place for Chinese New Year since I could ever remember. And she was the matriarch figure who holds the family together. And now, she has passed on. I miss her. She had loved me with her own hands when I was a baby. You'll be missed po po.

21) Visit to Logos Hope Ship

Joining in the bandwagon is my trip to the Logos Hope Ship at Port Swettenham, where this book"ship" is founded and managed by Christian Volunteers from around the world, sailing around the world to do missionary works. Amazed by the lives of the volunteers, and how they have each contributed in their ways to serve God, the sacrifice and love for people for almost 2 years. Went with Pamela, and met Wai Wai there. :-)

22) First Trip to the Star Cruise Libra

Not much pictures here. And the picture here doesn't do justice to the experience I had. Made me change my mind about the seafarers on board. The staff who made sailing in a star cruise possible. It was a good experience. Nevermind their reputation of being a "casino" and "cabaret" ship, so while my parents went happily "chasing horses" and "building networks", I was left to venture around alone, and slept soundly throughout the night. (wasted laaa). But worth the experience, and will consider travelling around the world in a yacht (romantic case konon).

23) Witnessed my close friend, Lay Ching in her wedding ceremony.

24) Cell Group Multiplication - New Cell Group

When I first returned to Penang, I was placed into the Mar Vista Cell Group, where Mr Balan was the CG leader. Then I moved over closer to home to be with Mr Peter Wong's Cell group. Now, I'm with Mr Joshua Lim's Cell Group. Looking forward to win people for the cell group! :-D

25) Attended my first toastmasters club

Thanks to Oon Poh's invitation, I finally did stepped into my visit to the very famous toastmasters club. Was a good experience as a guest. Grateful for that too. The strange part for me was when they started counting my "errms" and "arrhhs" in the midst of delivering my first speech to the crowd. Awkward. =_='.

26) House undergoing renovation to gear up for the NEW YEAR!

With all that has been said and done, the year 2011 has been truly a year of audacious faith. Audacious in my workplace, changing attitudes and revealing of true colours among the colleagues. Renewing my faith and cultivating relationships again from scratch, some even broken ones. Spending time with my family. Overcoming financial debts. Rising up to the occasion - with some success.

But truely, truely, in all these events, God has truely been the only one who gives Grace. My failures and my broken promises to people, all only God can reverse and change that. I believe He will.

These are the 26 things that I've done when I was 26 years old. Today, I turn 27.

Blessed Christmas!

2011-12-25T08:47:00.000+08:00

This point in time, Chris Martin sings out how my heart would have felt at night. Have yourself a mery mery Christmas friends!

A Mix

2011-12-23T08:50:00.001+08:00

Well, it's a curious mix of melancholy and pure happiness for me, whereas goals are usually set at this time of the year, but apparently I have yet to determine mine for year 2012. Procrastination is really not something to dwell in around this time of the year (year end appraisal) which is frustrating since I have yet to fill mine online. Just have to pester the CC.

Can't wait for tonight though! 23rd Dec,8pm and 24th Dec 5pm and 8pm! Yay!

Between Neutral Neutral and Evil Evil

2011-12-20T16:47:00.002+08:00

PROBLEM?

LIFELINE

2011-12-20T09:37:00.001+08:00

89.90fm, FlyFm.

My lifeline to civilization - from office. LOL.

Beyond that, is the private sector which thrives in ruthless, time squeezing (did i just said that?) stress. Nevermind. It rocks better!

Sleep Well

2011-12-19T16:28:00.001+08:00

Tonight onwards, I get to sleep well. Next.

Praying. Hoping. Loving. Amen

Do Not Arouse or Awaken Love Until It So Desires

2011-12-19T09:10:00.003+08:00

Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest
   is my beloved among the young men.
I delight to sit in his shade,
   and his fruit is sweet to my taste.
Let him lead me to the banquet hall,
   and let his banner over me be love.
Strengthen me with raisins,
   refresh me with apples,
   for I am faint with love.
His left arm is under my head,
   and his right arm embraces me.
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
   by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
   until it so desires. ~ Songs of Solomon 2:3-7

I'm an adult. You're an adult.

Now let's talk about PASSION.DESIRES. LOVE.

I'm a big fan of God, knowingly understood that He was the creator of all the emotional desires and hunger that only a grown man and woman (reaching puberty and beyond) would understand. He implanted these intense explosion of chemistry deep inside our bodies, experienced in our deepest emotions embedded in our souls yet manifested in our very physical body.

That embodies the meaning of what so many adults would have expressed as the "happiest moments in my life". It is so hard to come by, exclusive in all sacredness and holiness, more precious than the most expensive rubies or diamonds of the best cuts in the world, yet vulnerable, exposing our deepest emotions to one another without shame, and the explosion of joy manifested physically brings to about the ecstasy so close to God, that only one man and one woman would be able to experience it in its fullness and glory at one time.

No wonder they say that marriage is "heaven on earth".

God has a whole book on the Bible. Which makes it even more precious. and holy. It also embodies the love of Jesus and His Bride, His Church.

It is knowing God beyond the walls of church, but rather in our daily lives, including and not exclusive to our brothers and sisters in Christ.It is an expression of Jesus loving His church, as precious as a man towards a woman. Exclusive, Vulnerable, Sacredness, Joy, Glory. And how as a church we would also love Jesus without shame, as holy as a woman towards a man. Submission, Honour, Respect, Joy, Glory.

No wonder pastor mentioned that the Church is "bringing heaven to earth".

No wonder pastor mentioned that it takes a Christian man and woman to understand the intensity and "chimness" of this relationship.

But for now, I would like to keep myself for this moment. For that one man.:-)

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." ~ Prov 4:23

All The New Rage

2011-12-15T09:30:00.004+08:00

Realized that only one thing cannot be taken too seriously in life.

And that's EVERY - THING.

PROBLEM?

:-)

2011-12-14T10:00:00.003+08:00

I feel butterflies flying in my stomach. Is that a sign of me being in love? Or is it just a sign of me having constipation problems?

Is it so hard to find a man who is a devoted Christian, custom made for me? Is it so hard to find a man whom I am made out of his spare ribs?

My parents yearn in anticipation. They happily remind me of my single status, and that they yearn to hold their grandchildren and play with them.

Me? I just pray for that man to come get me already. Amen.

Restlessness

2011-12-13T08:35:00.000+08:00

Insomnia for the past 3 days is really beginning to wear me off. Worst still, I have absolutely no idea what even triggered it. In the past, I have been able to sleep soundly even after a few rounds of chinese tea. Or could it be that work dateline is due today. Or could it be that I have been thinking through the meaning of universe, knowing the answer may very well be 42.

I'm feeling like a zombie, and I'm suppose to hit the gym, but forgot to bring along my sports shoes. I'm suppose to go prayer meeting thereafter, but forgot to bring slippers to enter the bathroom later.

THIS IS NOT THE AMELIA I'VE COME TO TERMS WITH, COZ YEAR 2011 IS SUPPOSE TO END WITH A BLAST!!!!! Grrrrhhhhhhhhhh.....................

Notwithstanding that I need an avenue to vent my frustration and dismay, thus this post. Back to work. Feel really dizzy, grumpy and tired. Bah!

Consolidation of the Holy Spirit and a Broken Heart

2011-11-25T08:27:00.001+08:00

Thank you Lord for revealing Your Grace to me, and Forgive me Lord, for I have failed to show and extend Your Grace to others. Teach me Lord, that I may learn each day to have grace and show it to the people around me. Let Your mercy be of abundance, and let Your glory be revealed in Your Name. Amen.

It is amazing the extend we go to fight for something we strongly hold on to.

It is amazing that regardless of the act, or the consequences of that act, we continue to pursue it.

It is amazing how we begin to compromise our character, our moral values, the principles we hold in life, our reputation, just so to pursue what we believe, or thought is right, despite of, what the system concludes to be FORBIDDEN.

I'm a very messed up person.

And at this moment, I stand between my very own crossroad. God, through His grace, cleansed my conscience through Holy Spirit, and sanctified my soul through His Word. God, through His people, revealed (exposed) my mistakes of my pasts (and yes, even back to 2008).

But now, God, in all His right mind and only He provides, is showing me the way to get back on track to His ways again.

In layman's term, it is similar to a Mr A who has screwed up big time (take adultery for example) with his colleague. What God is doing here, is to confront Mr A, console Mr A, and convince Mr A to get back on his feet. God even puts a bonus to even bring Mr A's best friend, Mr B to help Mr A get back on his feet. [This story is set on general terms, though].

Question: Am I going to allow myself to spiral back down to my own circumstances? Or am I going to seek help and get out of this (hopefully), once and for all?

Contrition, Conviction, Conversion. Honestly, the best food for thought, the most profound Cs, the message brought about the right timing of my life.

And I ain't gonna let SEYTAN screw it up this time.

If God is a God who gives me grace, then He is also a God who believes in me. Pray for me. And pray for thanksgiving. Amen.

PAPERWORKS

2011-11-23T16:50:00.001+08:00

Paperwork. Is. Sometimes. IRRELEVANT & A WASTE OF TIME. LOL. Just saying. Nevermind.

Letting Go and Giving Closure

2011-11-22T12:30:00.001+08:00

I recently read a story about relationships and singlehood, where a light hearted author had described the difference between a man and a woman: that a Woman hold a PHD in human relationships

=_='' (Won't admit it.)

He then goes to to mention something about intuition, conscience and emotion of a woman that is inter-correlated and expressed easily in comparison to a man.

Then i realized that since my return to Penang 3 years ago, that there has been a constant struggle to let go of my past, that of my relationships, awesome life and even the nitty gritty moments that I've shared with my friends and loved ones. There is a withhold in my ability to love, to give, to express myself like I used to when I was in university - I was a different person in 2008.

And fast forward to year 2011, and I have changed. I have had delays, which suffice to say, made me the person that I am today, and thus the reason that it has taken so long to finally.... give closure to the previous chapter of my life.

I wouldn't have been able to do that without Holy Spirit back inside me. Thank You for giving me a second chance. Or third.

This time, it's time to move on.

For real of course. Amen.

2011-11-16T09:13:00.001+08:00

[Disclaimer: Emo-ness mode ON.]

Suddenly find myself in a trying position. Colleagues "borrowing" my subordinates to attend function which is of no relevance to my portfolio. Colleagues giving me orders like I'm their subordinate. Subordinates giving me orders to a task, and happily forwarding that messages to her superiors, which are my colleagues. All simply mum about this matter, look and see strategy.

My superiors know what I'm doing. My colleagues know what I'm doing. But when I ask what are they doing, they simply brush me aside, especially with regards to finances or federal projects. Am I not a civil servant, who is suppose to be neutral with regards to political believes?

Colleagues fan gossips amongst colleagues about me being a threat to them. So much so, when reports on why the department has failed to commit to their actual assignments during a management - technical assistant meeting, they put the blame on my portfolio. Is it really because of my projects that the whole department cannot function to their actual job scope; am I really a burden to the the very office which appointed me to execute their tasks?

I find myself in a position that is demoralizing, demotivating, and disrespect from my superiors to my work. I find this events taking place to be an insult to my capabilities and my level of excellence. I find these office politics to be excuses to throw on me, so that it overshadows theirs. And they call themselves Muslims. Am I only referred to when it comes to English translations, but not worthy when it comes to the NKRA Meetings?

After discussions (often closed doors), even a false claim is approved to be the truth, written in a signed document, and passed around as the truth. That in the form of memos.

Corruption is running aplenty in this office. Silo-method are often discreet, pact agreement (usually in percentage in profit sharing) and hidden messages through conversations in meeting. It is only during these period that no documents (or claims) are even written. Try attending one financial and management progress meetings.

I find myself being disappointed with the system, especially when dealing with people, inasmuch as I have tried to dismiss racism or culturalism, favoring people through common stands in religion, cultural background or even race, but this is evident through the events that has taken place in my office.

In matters related to assignments being assigned to colleagues, in accordance to hierarchy of seniority in number of years served in the department, colleagues who are often seen close to the boss, or even necessary due to dealings with the federal department, you should try comparing the projects which has been assigned to a colleague who entered as the same batch as myself.

In fact, it is derived from these delegation of assignments that I find myself, very very very tempted to become bitter, jealous and hurt over the favouritism running wild in my office, and still prevalent too.

And the excerpt of this post, shall be forwarded to 2 political parties in Malaysia, do find out, interrogate and do justice with my service as a civil servant.

Guess what? I won't sit down and do nothing, and will fight to ensure "The Others" know that their civil system needs a revamp BIG TIME.

Cold Storage

2011-11-10T08:42:00.000+08:00

For the past few weeks now, I have acquired a new peep phrase. It goes something like,

"THIS IS FRUSTRATING."

And inasmuch as I would have liked, (or the lack of) about many relationships and things (stuffs, items, etc), recent circumstances and specific events have led me to believe that I deserve much better than this (where I am now, the things I do, you know.... this).

That things, as I realise, doesn't always go "MY WAY", only in my dreams, and I am here to vent a little of those that I could. Because I can, you see.

Relationships that matters in my heart, requires emotional, physical and mental commitment. The latter part, is something I'm still grasping to learn, after my post care-free years. I'm a later starter, but I'm a fast learner in the commitment department. (What is that even suppose to mean... Nevermind. =.='')

But I'm still learning to grow up, to be who God wants me to be, despite my shortcomings. Sometimes I can't help but shout out.

"THIS IS FRUSTRATING!"

But boy, it does feel good to vent it all out here, because He first loved me, that I could learn (by being less frustrated) to love You. Amen.

Reading of Scriptures

2011-10-24T17:15:00.000+08:00

God's Word are of perfection to the highest level.

It goes beyond my understanding, wisdom and knowledge, until revealed in His timing.

And when He does, it glorifies His name, in essence in itself and in relevance to Our timing.

That revelation that He brings to me, makes me fear Him, believe in Him, hope in Him, love Him, obey Him and follow Him.

That is really all it takes for a rhema to work in my life.

:-D

Come as You are..

2011-10-24T08:12:00.001+08:00

Key of:C

          F2         Am7 
He's not mad at you
             F2        C2
He's not disappointed  
              F2            Am7           
His grace is greater still
                   F2                 
Than all of your wrong choices


G          
He is full of mercy
F
And he is ever kind
G
Hear his invitaion
    F               D/F#
His arms are open wide


C                    F                        Dm
You can come as you are, with all your broken pieces
                   G
All your shamefull scars
    C                       F                    Dm C/E F 
The pain you hold in your heart, bring it all to jeeeesus
        G               C  C
You can come as you are

[ Tab from: http://www.guitaretab.com/p/pocket-full-of-rocks/244737.html ]
                F2        Am7
Louder than the voice
                      F2        C2        
That wispers you're unworthy
                F2        Am7
Hear the sound of love
                     F2
That tells a different story


G
Shattering your darkness
    F
And push you through the lies
    G
How tenderly He calls you
    F               D/F#
His arms are open wide


C                    F                        Dm
You can come as you are, with all your broken pieces
                   G
All your shamefull scars
    C                       F                    Dm C/E F 
The pain you hold in your heart, bring it all to jeeeesus
        G            F Am7 F 
You can come as you are

C                  F     Am7 C/E F
 You can come as you are



C                    F                        Dm
You can come as you are, with all your broken pieces
                   G
All your shamefull scars
    C                       F                    Dm C/E F 
The pain you hold in your heart, bring it all to jeeeesus
        G               C2  
You can come as you are

2 Testimonies and 1 Milestones

2011-10-19T14:58:00.000+08:00

Testimony 1:

Half an hour before lunch time, I received an intercom from my technical assistant (TA), stating that the laptop which I have been using for the past 4 months (thus the consistent facebook updates) is to be revoked, back to Sapura Bhd, the main contractor with PSUK as its client. This is also where my Microsoft Office (Word, Excel, Power Point, etc) is, and where I have been working from. This current computer which I am using, is equipped with these smacking hot features:

Processor Intel(R) Core(TM) i7-2600 CPU @ 3.40GHz 3.40 GHz, RAM 4GB, 32 BIT Operating System.

Like. Beyond this World right.

But here's the kicker. It doesn't have Microsoft Office and only functions on Open Office. Which ALL MY FOLDERS AND FILE DOES NOT SUPPORT.

My TA has told me quote "You fikir lah cara sendiri nak selesaikan masalah ini."

I reported to my boss regarding this matter, and all he said was, "Nevermind I'll talk to him."

If a TA has the fucking guts and integrity to say those words to me, what makes you think my boss would help me out regarding this matter, which I have highlighted since MAY 2011?"

Testimony 2:

NON MALAYS, according to my boss, the slang "hang" is only allowed to be used by an "insider, a local". OUTSIDERS LIKE US (NON MALAYS) are not allowed to use the word "hang", simply because we do not know how to use it, according to him.

Hang Tuah, Hang Jebat, Hang Kasturi, Hang Lebai, Hang MAK HANG.

1 Milestone:

I have to fight for Penangnites - NON MUSLIMS especially with the current system that this system is running, it is only in due time that we begin to loose sight of what we call our own "motherland".

NO WONDER THEY SAY THINGS LIKE ~ FUCK THE SYSTEM>

They're beginning to become more stuck up and arrogant against the "minorities" in Malaysia. I could sense something wrong here. And I am beginning to fear for my very own rice bowl, not because of my job performance, but simply because of the "allegations and racism which may prevails" in my company.

It is frightening to know that 98% of the civil service is dominated by the Malays, 2% "lain lain agama".

It is frightening to know that I belong to the latter.

God I really need Your wisdom at this hour of darkness, Your light fill this area of the marketplace. How I cry for politics to be one of Your WILL, and of YOUR GLORY.

Steve Jobs.

2011-10-06T17:35:00.000+08:00

I seldom, if ever, find myself blogging about celebrities nor personalities. This blog is, afterall, a pretty self absorbed as one could get. *Evil Laughter*

But Steve Jobs, has been one of those exceptions. His wiki is found here, and his influence such that even Westboro Church, when decided to picket his funeral, had that epic fail moment, as shown below:

FAIL

I'm proud to be a user of his products, my first encounter being in 2005, when doing my internship with a landscaping company by the name of Bomanite (M) Sdn Bhd, sat down with an AppleMac (Blue colour) with this ludicrous one click mouse, which I was not accustomed to. But the aesthetics of the computer, got me hooked, and made a promise to purchase his products...... WHEN I COULD AFFORD IT.

Hence, the IPad. And I'm hooked.

His quotes are variedly recorded and archived here.

To think that these revolutionary people, and people who have insanely contributed to our society, in literal terms, strangely saddens me. Think about it, how else will we move forward, when we look upon our predecessors who were very highly esteemed in their heydays?

Steve, you'll rock on in heaven, whatever crap those overtly God maniac people may say. Rest in Peace.

Believe in Staunch, Staunched to Believe

2011-09-22T09:18:00.000+08:00

On this day in year 2010, I had been blogging about this, here.

On this day in year 2006, my blog had been about this, here.

If there had been a things which is consistent in my life, it would have to be BLOGGING.

And it'll stay that way.

Selah, It's good to just think of You early in the morning. Amen.

Staunch believer, staunched in believe.

2011-09-20T20:07:00.000+08:00

My cousin brother just told me that I need a break.

He could be right.

The paradox of me saying this is true, despite many claims that a government servant is one who is constantly "on leave".

Awkward. Needless to say, I miss my cousin bro. He's not passing down his "what a man wants in a woman" skills to me enough, yet.

Living for others. Is amazing.

From a Friend's Point of View

2011-09-17T22:45:00.000+08:00

One year ago, I wouldn't in my wildest imagination have thought that I'd be blogging - from a friend's computer - in the midst of a party - All these, new to me, at many levels.

It's crazy, absolutely ridiculous to think that I'd be at this stage of my life, where I'm living the life of what the most average young working adult would - and be happy doing it.

It's crazy, that I still profess my faith, in love with the One who first loved me.

It's crazy, that I'd be relevant to the people around me, despite my flaws and weaknesses I've on and off again been trying to work on.

Intoxicating.

Incredulous.

Indescribable.

Amazing.

Thank you Lord.

Random ramblings..

2011-08-10T17:02:00.000+08:00

Loving this song. I still recall a brother in christ singing this song solo. Ever since then, this song's been stuck in my head. This url's not exactly the best youtube audio, but it comes with lyrics (karaoke!).

Verse:

E	    B/D#	     C#m 

How could I live without You 

	   B        A 

How would I survive  

	         Bsus	           G#m 

without Your love, without Your touch 

		     A 

You're the one that heals me 

	      C#m  C#m/B 

cleanses my heart 

        A   C#m Bsus B 

And sets  me  free

Prechorus:

	C#m	     A 

Now I come right before You 

	E/G#	      Bsus B 

with my hands lifted up 

	C#m      A 

And my heart humbly bowed 

	E/G#	      Bsus B 

at Your work on the cross 

	C#m	      A 

As You hung there and died 

	   E/G#	           B		A 

You were paying the price for my life 

	Bsus4 B7 

For my life

Chorus:

                E 

For your love 

		   A 

is higher than the heavens 

	B	C#m 

deeper than the sea 

	      A		B7 

all I want is you in my life 

	E		    A 

No one else can satisfy my soul 

		B	C#m C#m/B 

and makes me feel this way 

          A          B     E 

Only you Lord only you

A Thought

2011-08-03T09:00:00.001+08:00

I've been indulging in an adaptation of an ancient Chinese literature series known as the "Romance of the Three Kingdoms" with my family.

And the drama series was simply "TWO THUMBS UP!", as they say.

To understand the whole series in one viewing, especially for a "banana" who is entirely English educated, is like introducing Shakespeare to a Sakai. (Disclaimer: This statement was meant as a comparison only. Would like to apologize for any offense made. Please do not sue me)

But more importantly, is that the series, or rather the literature, written almost thousands of years ago, was one with substance (occasionally some fantasies), and one which I wished I had acquired when I was younger. I heard that the Chinese Schools learnt it throughout their high school.

The other thing with this series which I thought stood out, though not prominent with the characters potrayed, were the ladies, thus the pictures you see as the above.

Diao Chan, Lady Su, Da Qiao, Xiao Qiao, just to name a few (and only a few more ladies, as I recall).

These ladies exude a sense of confidence, character, personality and wisdom which were relevant and strong in their environment, culture and timezone. They were strong, and courageous, so to speak. And I had my utmost respect, amongst all these, for Diao Chan.

One of the great Four Beauties of China (yes, I do read Chinese literature), Diao Chan is as wise as she is exquisite in beauty. Perhaps, biased as I am now, Diao Chan was witty, cunning and intelligent for her time, considering women in her time barely receive formal education, yet alone plot schemes that of the warlords and strategists of her time wouldn't have thought.

She followed in her character, carrying herself in grace and wisdom, submitted when she chose to, and held in her own way, even when it conflicted her principles. Diao Chan was beautiful, both in character and physical manner.

As a wiki@google@bing freak, I barely know her as a person. But as a figure in Chinese History, she is intriguing, and she made her name.

What about Xi Shi, Wang Zhaojun and Yang Guifei (the other 3 Great Beauties), you say?

Next post please!

Inspired!

2011-06-24T12:11:00.000+08:00

from this blog

Perhaps, more to come. Might consider some applicable designs at home ~ with planning permission first from DAD of course!

Blurrified

2011-06-20T08:27:00.000+08:00

Yesterday's sermon was pretty realistic, yet practical in every sense. Father's day was almost always celebrated differently from Mothers day. Couldn't figure out the difference, yet it's different. (Do you get that "thing" sometimes? I do.)

But yesterday made me realise something.....

It's the middle of the year already. Yesterday, 19 June 2011.

Maybe a post on goals and performance mid term reviews?

Back to work.

Nothing but the Blood of Jesus

2011-06-17T16:42:00.000+08:00

Listening to this hymn reminds me of You cleansing my soul, with Your blood. It reminds me of Your reverence and holiness, mirroring my imperfection, pride and judgement over people other than myself. I listen to this song, filled with deep meditation, reading Your words, be reminded of Your faithfulness to me.

Listening to this hymn reminds me of the reason why I choose to be in a church, despite its imperfection and often disappointments. This song reminded me of the unity a church presents. It made me understood, what it means to protect one another, edify one another, encourage one another and love one another.

It's midway this journey of devotion, Your wisdom has shown me the way, to reconcile, and to move on. 23 chapters down, 17 more to go.

Heart of Worship

2011-06-09T12:14:00.005+08:00

I'll bring You more than a song

for a song in itself

is not what You have required

You searched much deeper within

Through the way things appear

You're looking into my heart...

I just need a break...

There is No Greater Love Than Yours

2011-06-06T15:49:00.002+08:00

There is no greater love than Yours

Nothing else could ever compare

And even if I searched all the world

I will never find a Love like Yours

Thank you Lord each day, that I may be able to be a woman- physically, physiologically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and everything else in between, and function like one.

Thank you Lord, that you have given me this body, to be able to use it to bring pleasure to You, in my dressing, walking, sitting, running, talking, listening, thinking, dancing, singing, jumping, clapping, seeing, and worshipping You that brings joy to You.

Thank you Lord, that I could never find another like You, none that compares to You, bitter-sweet at times, yet all of these, seamed flawlessly in Your way, and Your time that only You could understand.

Thank you Lord, that it is only by Your grace that I am alive today, leaving the past, and living the present.

Heart of Worship

2011-06-06T08:52:00.002+08:00

What does it mean to be honest, accountable and transparent with your friends?

What does it take to be trustworthy, humble and person of excellence?

"Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, He will lift you up" ~James 4:10

"For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ" ~ 1 Cor 3:11

"Knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience"~James 1:3

But does it mean we are to become ignorant, naive, or complacent in our daily works? Or does it mean we are to become judgemental, critic or legalistic in our thoughts, dealing with works we preferred not to have been assigned with?

"These things indeed have an appearance of wisdom in self - imposed religion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are of no value against the indulgence of the flesh." ~ Col 2:23

"Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead" ~ James 2:14

Loving You more and more each day...

This is Our God

2011-05-16T08:12:00.000+08:00

Lyrics : This Is Our God (By Hillsong United)

This Is Our God
By Hillsong

VERSE 1:
Your grace is enough
More than I need
At Your word I will believe
I wait for You
Draw near again
Let Your Spirit make me new

CHORUS:
I will fall at Your feet
I will fall at Your feet
And I will worship You here

VERSE 2:
Your presence in me
[ Hillsong Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Jesus light the way
By the power of Your word
I am restored
I am redeemed
By Your Spirit I am free

BRIDGE:
Freely You gave it all for us
Surrendered Your life upon that cross
Great is the love
Poured out for all
This is our God
Lifted on high from death to life
Forever our God is glorified
Servant and King
Rescued the world
This is our God

Ramblings XI

2011-05-06T08:21:00.002+08:00

Another shot at random blog-ging and everything under the sun.

Only this time, the shot went through the stomach, causing extreme puncture in the abdomen through the pelvics of a humankind shooting right through the bottom, simply because too many shots were taken the previous day.

Alright. Melancholy and pity - party is the atmosphere this time around.

And money does have something to do with all this shots and atmosphere.

Darth Vader must be blamed for this circumstances. It's his fault!

It only gets more depressing, when the office starts to play Padma's favourite song - the all enticing, monotonous, Arabic hymns of the day, repeated % times a day, as and when Vader likes it.

I recommend your asthmatic voice for a change, Vader. It's so much more enticing, sweet loving sounds to my ear, like the birds singing just for me, almost spiritual in Arab, repeated !) times a day, and yes, as and when You have to BREATH.

Vader Dearest,

How is it that we ended up like this? How is it, that having been through thick and thin, that your heart still lies with Ami? Have I not been with you when you stood so glorious, in the sight of Darth Seth? Have I not always been by your side when you were down in that freaking volcanoes? You leave me no choice but to leave you forever! Don't you get it, that even if you sing sweet loving songs to me, you're still erm... Vader! You and I were never meant to be together. The fates have been unkind to us. Circumstances has led us to this intervention. My heart bleeds to writing this absolutely ridiculous letter, had it not been YOU, VADER!

I leave you with a piece of my bottom. Now cut the freaking Ami's Arabic opera-freakish song, will you?

Yours,

Amelia.

Penang State Assembly

2011-05-03T09:07:00.003+08:00

I'm just torn between a seminar by Dr Peter J Daniels and attending the Penang State Assembly.

By the way, if you want a glimpse of the State Assembly [weeeee! *fun* =___=''], check it out here.

It's like being torn between having a cup of tea with the Mr Donald Trump and having a meeting in NATO [I know, don't even get me started with what NATO means... kekeke]

Rrrraaagggghhh. Now I feel for Rebecca Black. Or whatever. What seats to TAKE!!!???

Which seat do I take? The Seminar by Peter Daniels or the State Assembly? = ___=''

A Wedding Fit for a Princess - Updated

2011-04-26T09:23:00.009+08:00

And suddenly I became a pro royalist of the Kingdom of Britain, who used to rule the Straits of Malacca, whom Malaysia used to be associated as a sovereign states of the Commonwealth realm, whom "we Malaysians" call "penjajah".

And here I am being all obsessed over the marriage of both the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Yes, the marriage of Miss Catherine Elizabeth Middleton and William Arthur Philip Louis.

Obssessed, simply because Miss Middleton's dresses were awesome, and Prince William, because he's the next king of Britain.

Pictures here! Simply because I just wanted it in my alter ego blog.

p/s: I'm Malaysian, loving the British royal nuptials as much as the other commoners around the world. Deal with it.

Blessed Good Friday

2011-04-22T12:24:00.002+08:00

‎"Te Telestai"!

Blessed Good Friday friends..

Good Friday, was meant not to be sorrowful, but to remember the love and sacrifice of our Lord Jesus Christ. Lord, I pray that You will continue to use me as your treasures in earthen vessels, the excellence of Your power will be through You and not me. Amen.

Fruitfulness

2011-04-11T08:21:00.002+08:00

First things first (non relevant), I tend to ask questions first (sometimes silly ones) when it comes to obscure words, having intentional hidden meanings which requires the approval of the conversant. So the conversant, me, will resort to asking questions which may inevitably cause unintentional damages to the intended meaning to the word.

In this case, fruitfulness being my latest victim.

In the natural sense, fruitfulness is the ability of our favourite fleshy seed - structure of a certain local plant that are sweet/ sour and edible to be consumed in their raw state, an example being the durian. So this durian's fruitfulness is manifested by it's ability to produce seeds, bear flowers and then produce the all amazing aromatic D24 this coming June.

But according to the laws of nature, before there was fruitfulness, there was faithfulness. AND, before there was faithfulness, there was commitment. AND, before commitment, there was a relationship. AND, before there was relationship, there was the connection. AND, before there was the connection, there was the touch. The spark. The "Yeah, Ya-Ba-Da-Ba-Doooo- roller coaster- Rock-n-Roll!!"

Take love birds for example. They meet, they court, they mate and they have little baby chicks. That, I think is fruitfulness.

But what about fruitfulness in spiritual sense? God simply said this:

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ~John 15:4-5

As much as we pride in ourselves that God is and will be the only source (way) towards our fruitfulness, we misinterpret that fruitfulness is secondary because faithfulness is the essence of our commitment to God.

It is like saying that a marriage is only based on faithfulness, and that having children is secondary; although it is the very same philosophy which is being advocated these days. By human nature, it is the necessity, or rather, the natural human progression to want children, or to want to pass on our fantastic genes to the future generation.

That to me, is fruitfulness. Beyond the "Yea-Ba-Da-Ba-Doo Oommphhh!!", beyond the relationship, beyond the commitment, beyond the faithfulness, it is only through fruitfulness that we see ourselves realising dreams, making promises happen, putting thoughts into action, ultimately bringing God's glory into presence out to the world.

This is what fruitfulness means to me. Now it is time to put it into action. Amen!!

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty...

2011-04-08T08:19:00.002+08:00

In the midst of the chaos, Jesus gave me an inner peace, liberty and freedom to understand what it means to experience His presence. And His presence was strong in cg yesterday. Despite the offbeat worship, despite thoughts of the workload during daytime, despite having thoughts of me missing out on the delicious indulging scrumptious carbonara mom has stormed in the kitchen, He was present. Inasmuch as I understand that His presence is everywhere, in the temple of our hearts, as His Words presented saying our body is the temple of His dwelling, it is today that I experienced His inner peace in my heart.

And no, I'm not being emo, or spooky spiritual. Bah, in fact, I think the paragraph in the above does no justice to the experience of having an inner peace inside me!

And yes, in time to come, this inner peace may subside, overridden by the problems, worries, fear and doubts in my daily life. But I realized, with discipline, obedience, keeping and making promises happen, practising what you have preached, works in our daily life, even with the minute of events, or works, things do happen. God made Himself available to us at all times. And it is really up to us to decide - to follow or not to follow. Every decision counts. Every decision impacts.

This song keeps humming in my mind, and I can't help but believe that liberty is here. Thank you, Lord.

Chris Tomlin - Where the Spirit of the Lord is

2011-03-18T08:17:00.004+08:00

The Lord is the Spirit, where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom ~ 2 Cor 3:17.

This heart of mine burns with reignited fire of passion, to be passionate again to usher into the tabernacle of praise, and enter into the inner hall of the holies of holies, armed with the covenant of His Word, His righteousness, holiness, grace and mercy to me, that I shall press on in faith, diligence, obedience and fruitfulness.

God is right. He will renew us, the inward man every day, IF we do not lose heart. Amen.

Verse 1
C#m F#m
You are the fire through the night
C#m
You are the flame that burns inside
F#m
We need your presence more than anything
C#m F#m
More than just a song to sing
C#m
More than words or offerings
F#m
We need your presence more than anything
A
You're all that we want
C# B
You're all that we need
A
You're all that we want
C# B
You're all that we need

Verse 2
So call us closer to your heart
Lead us Lord to where you are
We need your presence more than anything
You're all that we want
You're all that we need
You're all that we want
You're all that we need

Chorus
A
We know where the spirit of the Lord is
C#m B
(where the spirit of the Lord is there is liberty)
A
We know living in your freedom
C#m B
(Living in your freedom we see your glory)
A
We know where the spirit of the Lord is
C#m B
(where the spirit of the Lord is there is liberty)
A
Were yours and yours is the kingdom
C#m B
(We are yours) and yours is the kingdom

Bridge
F#m
You're all that we want
Abm
You're all that we need
A
You're all that we want
C#m B
You're all that we need (repeat)

The Confession

2011-03-16T12:55:00.002+08:00

This would be the first time for me, on a very personal note, to have to find out the truth for myself. Some voices will roar, some will empathize.

It wasn't until around mid last year that I realized that church isn't what it seems to be. I chose not to even discuss about it, until now.

As cynical as I would so like to be, I found no reason to be one. Neither did I find myself in a delusive state. Sad, yes I am. My brothers and sisters in faith who had been with me, friends who have stood by me through the establishment of a stable religious institution - gone within 2 years when I left for Penang. I was in utter shock. Fellowships were broken up. some chose to stay with the church, some chose to leave. Some who decided to leave decided to stay unchurched, while some decided to form one themselves. It is heartbreaking on my part. And it affected me on a personal level.

Questions were being asked, and where no due answers were given, I resorted to other means to quench the thirst. Even if it means self - denial, or false hope. Yeah, I became cynical, shocked and upset to my leaders whom I thought I had trusted to lead me to the direction and then broke it themselves.

But God answers in His ways. I found out the truth, in the form of a visiting brother and his girlfriend.

And now, I find peace. Not in the unanswered questions of the consequences of the actions of the leaders, but in the fact that life goes on. That each one has found their direction in life, and pursued them.

I was one of them, and I found my peace in CHC Penang. For me, choosing to stay with the church, was one that spoke of volume. We'll rise again, in anticipation, faith and love. Amen.

Temper Rage

2011-03-12T08:50:00.002+08:00

As much as I find myself denying this one lingering thought, I have a confession to make- I have a temper. A bad one at that.

I get irked by the simplest darnest peeps - asking "why" a million times! *ROAR*

Unless, of course if that statement come from yours truly aimed at irritating irritating people.

Well, yesterday, I did just that. Here's how it happened.

Scenario 1: You walk up to a man asking if he could help you to bind a stack of papers, meant for a meeting later that day. He asks"WHY"? Then you explained telling him that these documents were urgent, and meant for a meeting. He asks "WHY can't the other technicians do this simple task that I had to do it?" then you explained that it was urgent. He asks again, "WHY didn't' you assigned to me earlier, now it's lunch time!" Mustering my cool, I told him that I could use an extra help because I was told of the change last minute, and thanked him for helping out. He asked "WHY you do it alone?" *Smack my head*....

Moral of the story: rage is not the answer to solve problems. The end.

Idleness

2011-02-23T07:59:00.002+08:00

Couldn't sleep last night.

In an attempt to go through quiet time, I began to wonder - If I was ever going to have relationships I could depend on, as I walk through life.

It's harsh reality.

No parties to go to. No wedding invitations, no funerals to console, no events to chill out with. No thriving network of support group system, No "gang" to be in.

Is it the eccentricity that's driving people away?

Or is it the need to conform to a standardized culture of a community, leadership to stand out amongst conformists?

It's just a thought, that's all.

Reminder

2011-02-22T16:00:00.000+08:00

Allergic to coffee. *Sobs*

Hosea

2011-02-14T14:50:00.003+08:00

Hosea - A prophet many would have misunderstood in his days.

A man whose heart continually yearns to love unconditionally to his wife, one is compelled, and one which is the greatest among the rest - God's love.

His love was great among His people whom, in the words of God, was "great in the days of Jezreel" and Unprecedented, till the last days before Israel's fall to the Persians and later the Syrians.

And to know how much God loves us, inspite of our souls being defiled, our heart being broken, our faith being tested, our disappointment being magnified, over and over through time, again and again, because of His promise that God's love never fail.

To understand the standard of God's love for us, and to know that He will provide for us, and even said through Paul, that it is not good for a man to be alone.

*THUNDERS OF APPLAUSE**CHEERS**FIREWORKS + THUNDERSTORMS + TRUMPETS OF JOY**YAHOOOOOOOOOO**

*Ahem*

Anyway, It's Valentine's Day. And love is in the air. God knows how does a single person celebrate this day, but I stand firm.

St. Valentine, here I come!

Apparitions Needed

2011-02-11T22:32:00.006+08:00

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I feel detached. Surreal. Hanging in the balance. At the edge of the cliff.

According to some interpretations of the doctrines to which I submit myself, Christianity that is, the very thought of depression, loneliness and an idle mind equates to me being entrapped in 2 of the seven deadly sins, hereby SLOTH and MELANCHOLY.

But the thought of being helpless, is killing me.

In the Middle Ages where Kings rule over its subjects, I'd be thought of as being cursed by the witches. Probably burnt to death as a remedy of this curse.

In early Christian times, I'd be thought of as not being thankful, or grateful towards God's blessings and grace over my life. I'd be an outcast, probably burnt later on alongside the other heretics in the days of persecution.

These days, I'd be someone who does not have faith in God from a person who knows-it-all.

What am I to do? Sure, Sigmund Freud reduced depression into simply a medical symptom of the mental condition of a psychiatric patient, but what am I to do?

Befrienders claim they'd be your friends when you need them the most, just simply a call away. (terms and conditions apply. All charges are applicable to normal telco rates)

The know-it-alls will advice you to take a vacation/ start a blog/ cook/ read a positive magazine/ talk to a friend/ write a journal/ take a walk/ indulge in chocolate cupcakes/ make cupcakes/ walk the dog/ yoga/ exercise/ say things like "don't think so much, don't worry, be happy!!". And you're back to Square one thereafter.

Christian wannabes..... will say things like "Hey, Ms Lim! (I'm Ms Neoh by the way), let's pray together k?" *Prays in tongues, looks at handphone, thinks Nandos for lunch....and* "In Jesus name, Amen!" Boom, next week, nowhere to be seen.

When all I really want, is just someone right beside me. Silence. Lend me your shoulders to cry on. Maybe a silent prayer. One with a sincere and wise heart.

Jeremiah 29:12 says, "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you"

And so, as I stand on the edge of an imaginary cliff, perhaps I should start thinking to myself: Karawau Bridge Bungy in NZ or the Clifton Suspension Bridge in Bristol?

Favouritism[?] or First Impression [?]

2011-01-26T07:55:00.004+08:00

James 2:1-9

If 2 ladies walked into your church/cinema/hall/restaurant etc; the first dressed in a Hermes carrying a Balenciaga bag, perfumed in Chanel with the most wonderful personality and a warm heart,

AND the second one dressed in rice rags, carrying some plastic bags, perfumed in garlic and fish oil with the most wonderful personality and a warm heart:

Who would you first pay attention to - for "good reasons"?
Who would you first serve?
Who would you love to sit next to?

Trust me, easier said than done.

Still standing strong with your answer[s]?

Try replace the 1st lady with a YB's wife and the 2nd one with a passer by.

The Ressurection of the Blogs

2011-01-19T07:57:00.002+08:00

And you wonder why some blogs had almost been left to fend for themselves. O_o *Random*

3 weeks into the new year, and what 3 weeks it was. And to think that we still have 49 weeks to go before 2012. O_o *Random*

On a more serious note,

"Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he falls." ~1 Cor 10:12.

Quiet Time...

2011-01-17T08:40:00.001+08:00

Then you will call upon Me and go pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. ~Jeremiah 29:12-13

And Just Like That,

2011-01-03T14:19:00.003+08:00

It's 03.01.2011.

A jolt to some, a revelation to others. Mine came in the form of both with the surplus of the luggage(s) from year 2010.

Or maybe it's time to leave those luggage and upgrade to a COACH. *scribbles down at the corner right of this blog*

You, my friends, be the judge. Unlike previous years, (2009 and 2010), neither links seem to have relevance to the post in which I am about to blog about. Wanggadoodles.

Perhaps this is just another rambling. A random one at that.

Or I could be like "the others". Blogging about my hopes, dreams and err, more dreams.

But you see, I'm Amelia. And Amelia does NOT do "the others". I prefer to call myself the "idealist".

@Honour God
@Love my family
@Engage the marketplace
@Responsible steward of my finances
@Build my character
@Finding a life partner
@Faithful and fruitful

I thank my God for being the God of second chances. I want to be the one whom God loves, not the one whom God uses. Lord God, cleanse my heart, a contrict spirit to have a consistent spirit. Amen.

The Cupcakes are a disaster!

2010-12-21T10:23:00.001+08:00

If it's in Malaysia

2010-12-20T14:25:00.005+08:00

FUCK IT ALL
OR
SOMEONE

SAVE

THE

SYSTEM!!

But let us not loose hope, shall we?

Random Thoughts 2

2010-12-19T09:58:00.002+08:00

On Saturday, was just thinking of the people I thought were significant in my life. And I dedicate this post to Angela Kwon.

Angela, I first met you when I was being orientated for the 1st cell group of IVCC. You, me, Christina, Esther, Ying Yu, Samuel Toh, Sern Wang and Kian Mau rocked. Yeah. God had His way of showing how fellowships between brothers and sisters in christ could develop and be strengthened in trust and love. You taught me to play the piano for worship, and guided me in my spiritual life. We did many things together in our first years, and then there was ENZYME 2005. And I would never forget the experience and love we share. Every day, i come to work in my office, and I remind myself each day, and renew my mind, that this mandate, this call for me to be in the civil service was one that was foretold in ENZYME, being relevant in the market place. You and I shared the same employer (well, technically right!~LOL). I look up to you as my leader, sister in christ and my friend. God has kept us strong through these years, even though we have only managed to keep in touch via the internet. I pray we will continue to grow in our friendship together too.

I know this post does not even justify the length of our friendship, but now, I must get going - to church or else....

I'd say I miss you dearly Angela. Hugs!

Random Thoughts

2010-12-17T09:01:00.003+08:00

It's almost the end of year 2010. Peter asked us to share our testimonies for year 2010. At random, Betsy and Khoo started to share theirs. Then Angie. Then Andrew. Then mine. Then Adrian. Then Peter again.

As fast as first began, it is now almost finished. Both the sharings AND year 2010.

And what a year it was. Went home, prayed like I've never prayed in years. And Reflected.

Jane Tan Yun Ngar - Don't even know where you are now. We were best friends, and inseperable. Both afternoon prefects, and both disiplinarians. Until one day during raid sessions, that you decided to be really mean, when our friends hid their liquid papers in the corner of the classroom, I knew it, you knew it, but decided to be mean. And we fought. Big time. And that was it. No more friends. I wonder where are you know, and how we could meet up again. I pray every single day, that you would one day be a Christian, and that we would meet up again in Penang.

Karen Yeoh Ai Ling. -When I was in Form 3, we were friends and I'd usually debate Buddhism and Christianity with you. I thought I'd always win. But I jumped "ship". It was during Pendidikan Moral class, and teacher was on leave. April 1999. I asked if I could receive Jesus into my life. And you helped me through it. Gave me my first cassette "Blessed" by Hillsongs. And my first bible. You asked me in 2005 for a bowling/ archery session with your friends, and I procrastinated. You shoot me off saying " Please do not expect me to wait for you, and expect people to trust you like this". And I still remember. I'm sorry. Meeting up with you in Malacca was a baby step, I thought. And I still pray.

Wong Chee Seng - You welcomed me to my first church service. And I felt a sense of reverence to the church, a holy place. And you gave me a foundation in the Word and fellowships I will keep and treasure for a very long time.

Yong Jia Yaik - You inspired me to pursue my dreams and believe in myself. You're like a brother I never had, and you kept my feet on the ground in church, in the Word, and in class, too. Probably the first couple whom I know on a personal level. *Ahem* *WinkWinkNudgeNudge*

Rhoda Teo - You inspired me to live life to the fullest!! And you came into my life like Lisa Simpson playing the trumpet in the middle of the night. but what a joy it is! Actually it was more like me crashing in your room, and then sharing thoughts, then the rest was history. You gave me my first experience in praying in tongues. And CHC Singapore was a sight to behold. You gave me my first hand in worship ministry. And I miss the studio sessions. Because I knew it was like worship session during worship practice. You became my leader, and taught me to grow spiritually. I never looked at Christianity the same way again. I've disappointed you countless times, and yet you were patient (almost like no temper one wei..) and discipled me all the way through. I waited and passed by your hostel room, every day to see if you've recovered and returned back to Kolej 12. As I packed up your room, i realised how one person could influence so many and expect nothing in return. You're strong, witty, humble and courageous.

Dorothy Chai Cheok Miin - Leaving CHC Singapore and CHOJB is something I never forget. But being the leader and friend is something which sticks deep down inside me. You were a leader by example, and grounded in faith, discipline, discernment and courage. You've inspired me to grow spiritually, and to learn from my mistakes. Deep down inside, I owe you one. BIG TIME.

All these thoughts came to me, and I could only mutter "God is great".

These excluding so many others who've inspired me to be the person that I am today.

And I know with God, it only gets better in 2011. Amen.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" ~ Matt 6:21

Green Lane CG

2010-12-03T05:53:00.002+08:00

Prelude: On a personal note, I find myself to be more contented.. with myself. And learning to see beyond just being myself.

GREENLANE CELL GROUP:
Date: 02.12.2010
Time:8.15pm
Place: Peter's house.

Verdict: GOD's presence is strong. "Is" because His anointing is where the heart is.

Members:
1) Peter
2) Wendy
3) Carol
4) Benjamin
5) Lynn
6) Betsy
8) Andrew
9) Angie
10) Amelia

Greater things to come. Amen.

p/s: Awating flight to Pg-KUL. Then a transit from KUL - Malacca for Technical Working Group for SAP by JPBD Melaka.

(sings silly) *We will shine, shining like the stars....*

Kidults@Adultenscents

2010-12-01T12:32:00.002+08:00

Not a kid.

Not a teenager. [Except those ridiculous acne which pops out like popcorns]

Not an adult.

Not attached.

Not loose.

Unwilling to conform to the "standard's procedure" of being a single's Viva La Vida.

Unwilling to settle for less, knowing I'm WORTH IT.

So, in the meantime, while we were all prep'd for the moments leading towards adulthood - wait, I always couldn't wait to be an adult in the first place. And while the "standard's procedure" has often guided us to live our childhood, adolescence and university life, perfect and sometimes eccentric to its best, very often, adulthood seems to always equate to:

(1) Finding a job/career/ calling - Standard Procedure.
(2) Get a Man/Woman - that actually starts applying at the adolescence stage. If you're under 12yrs and you're dating, it is counted too in some cultures.
(3) Get a Home - Standard Procedure
(4) Get Married - Standard Procedure.
(5) Have Kids - Standard Procedure.
(6) Have Grandchildren - Standard Procedure.
(7) Travel - Standard Procedure
(8) Have Grandchildren - Standard Procedure
(9) THE END.

So, as I slowly but surely pace past the quarter life benchmark era, what am I to do in the meantime?

IN THE MEANTIME...

Def (n): The period after the classmates but just before the soulmates.

1) Grow closer to God
2) Build a community
3) Do what I love
4) Discover something new
5) Help others
6) Live in the present
7) Be reasonable
9) Don't compromise
10) Find an accountable partner for the abovementioned items.

This is going to get interesting. Father, You were right. Living an abundant life is LIFE.

The Good Christian Girl : A Fable

2010-11-24T11:06:00.003+08:00

Interesting article which definitely made my day! Here

Mediocrity

2010-11-22T08:28:00.002+08:00

In the republic of mediocres, genius is dangerous. ~ Robert G. Ingersoll

There is real magic in enthusiasm. It spells the difference between mediocrity and accomplishments. ~ Norman Vincent Peale

Let not mercy and truth forsake you;
Bind them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart,
And so find favor and high esteem
In the sight of God and man. ~ Proverbs 3: 3-4

If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived? Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it become you and you will find great things happen FOR you, TO you and BECAUSE of you.” ~ T. Alan Amstrong

[Having a "QUOTES" moment, where I'd just continue to copy and plagarize notable quotes from notable people. Man, I'm so destined for greatness. *Winks*]

A Sudden Liking for...

2010-11-20T12:16:00.005+08:00

.... wedding songs. *Rolls eyes*

Yes. I know. It's very unbecoming of me. *Rolls eyes again.*

Very un-narcissistic of me. Very "sweet-sunshine-rainbow-candy-sugaryummy" ish side of me. Very un-Amelia-istic. Believe me. This must be the happiest post ever this year.

Anyways....

Some songs which I thought would really make great combinations (in no particular order):

1) I will be here by Steven Curtis Chapman
2) From this moment on by Shania Twain
3) Save The last Dance For Me by Michael Buble
4) Heaven by DJ Sammy
5) Arioso in G by Bach
6) Hero by Enrique Iglesias
7) The Love I found in You by Jim Brickman
8) L-O-V-E by Nat King Cole
9) When I fall in love by Nat King Cole
10) How Deep is Your Love by BeeGees
11) I Could Not Ask For More by Edwin McCain
12) Come What May by Edwan McGregor and Nicole Kidman [Moulin Rouge]
13) Can You Feel the Love Tonight by Elton John
14) Canon in D by
15) I Want To Grow Old With You by Adam Sandler
16) I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston
17) Baby I'm Yours by Artic Monkeys
18) Sea of Love by Phil Phillips
19) Can't Help Falling in Love with You by Elvis Presley
20) That's Amore by Dean Martin
21) Only You by The Platters
22) Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars
23) Unforgettable by Nat King Cole
24) Butterfly Kisses by Bob Charlise [For Daughter-Father dance]
25) Please Remember by Leann Rimes [Daughter-Father Dance]
26) The Wedding Song by Bob Dylan - possibly the only wedding song in minor key [?]
27) The Prayer by Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli

Oh, so many many many more.

*Dreams in the air*

But God is above all my dreams, my hopes, and my love life. And I couldn't see it other way. That's why it's always so beautiful to believe in God's truth and His promise for me. And cling on I will. I believe!

I just haven't met my other half yet. *Winks*

Love is Waiting...

2010-11-18T08:46:00.002+08:00

His left hand is under my head,
And his right hand embraces me. ~ Songs of songs 8:3

PASSION

I know that whatever God does
It shall be forever.
Nothing can be added to it,
And nothing taken from it.
God does it, that men should fear before Him.
~ Ecclesiastes 3:14

TRUTH

"... Talitha, cumi,.." ~Mark 5:41.

ARISE

When you asked me, when would I be back to join the worship team again, I said "I'll be back".
Now, I just believe that this too shall come to pass. Amen.

BUT!

2010-11-16T13:05:00.002+08:00

The way I see it, there is definitely something going on, which I suspect has something to do with Islam and the treatment of Non muslim citizens, and it still seems pretty vague the direction in which we have to live in future.

Ignorance is simply not an option. It is the action of being ignorant is, which, in turn, only becomes detrimental to the very people whom we have fought to defend. And protect all these while. Because Ignorance is really not a blissful one, when we consider our options now.

Man, I wonder how Daniel would have responded to these times, when religion becomes the ONLY reason for politics, and the reason to DENY thoughts and thought within itself.

If we continue to view racism and the ulterior physics of politics as the reason for ignorance, then really, we have fallen into the dark ages ourselves.

When what the world view of inferiority is known to the culture we find ourselves in, and realize that our ignorance is the only distance keeping ourselves away from the solution, then, we must really be THAT ignorant to even deny ourselves the courage to defend ourselves. To fight for what is and is to come.

Please pray for my workplace. The civil service. The Malaysian government.

Audacious

2010-11-15T10:55:00.002+08:00

au·da·cious /ɔˈdeɪʃəs/ [aw-dey-shuhs]

–Adjective
1. extremely bold or daring; recklessly brave; fearless: an audacious explorer.
2. extremely original; without restriction to prior ideas; highly inventive: an audacious vision of the city's bright future.
3. recklessly bold in defiance of convention, propriety, law, or the like; insolent; brazen.
4. lively; unrestrained; uninhibited: an audacious interpretation of her role.

Origin:
1540–50; audaci(ty) + -ous

—Related forms
au·da·cious·ly, adverb
au·da·cious·ness, noun
un·au·da·cious, adjective
un·au·da·cious·ly, adverb
un·au·da·cious·ness, noun

—Synonyms
1. courageous, intrepid, dauntless, venturesome. 3. unabashed, shameless; impertinent, forward.

—Antonyms
1. cowardly.

defined and copied here

Audacious + faith = [RELENTLESS COURAGE]

Proverbs 2 or If

2010-11-11T08:24:00.002+08:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

~ Rudyard Kipling

When wisdom enters your heart,

And knowledge is pleasant to your soul,

Discretion will preserve you,

Understanding will keep you.

~Proverbs 2: 10-11

Wisdom is calling!

Wishful Thinking

2010-11-04T14:54:00.002+08:00

Quotes!

1) In dwelling, live close to the ground. In thinking, keep to the simple. In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don't try to control. In work, do what you enjoy. In family life, be completely present. ~ Lao Tzu

2)An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching. ~ Mohandas Gandhi

3) It is no good getting furious if you get stuck. What I do is keep thinking about the problem but work on something else. Sometimes it is years before I see the way forward. In the case of information loss and black holes, it was 29 years. ~ Stephen Hawking

Now get cracking!

Speed of Sound

2010-11-03T13:51:00.003+08:00

Wikipedia says it's 343.2 metres per second (1,126 ft/s). This is the equivalent of 1,236 kilometres per hour (768 mph), or about one kilometer in three seconds or approximately one mile in five seconds. Here

How long before I get in
Before it starts, before I begin
How long before we decide
Before I know what it feels like
Where do, where do I go
If you never tried then you'll never know
How long do I have to climb
Up on this side of this mountain of mine

Look up, I look up at night
Planets are moving at the speed of light
Come up, up in the trees
Every chance that you get
Is a chance you seize
How long I can stand
With my head stuck under the sand
I start before I can stop
Before I say things that I made up

And all that noise, all that sound
All these pieces that I have found
And the earth is gone flying at the speed of sound
To show how it all began
Birds come flying from the underground
If you could see it then you'd understand

Ideas that you'll never find
All the inventors could never design
The buildings that you put up
Japan and China were all lit up
The sign that I couldn't read
All the land that I couldn't see
Some things you have to believe
But others are puzzles, puzzling me

And all that noise, all that sound
All those pieces that I have found
And the earth is gone flying at the speed of sound
To show how it all began
Birds come flying from the underground
If you could see it then you'd understand

All those signs I knew what they meant
Something you can't invent
Something [...], something [...]
Ooh
Words go flying at the speed of sound
To show how it all began
Birds came flying from the underground
If you could see it then you'd understand
Oh, when you see it then you'll understand

Made my Day!

2010-11-02T10:21:00.003+08:00

[Quote from Jia Yaik]:

Might want to try this hehe.

1) Go to Google Maps
2) Click on Get Directions
3) Enter Japan as "starting point"
4) Enter China as "destination"
5) Scroll down to direction #43.

Previously...

2010-11-01T10:30:00.003+08:00

She has forgotten the awesomeness she used to be.

Or is it just the eccentricity of the very person she has become.

Is it just me?

OH MOSES!

2010-10-29T08:14:00.002+08:00

He led 3 life(s):

40 years as a SOMEBODY

40 years as a NOBODY

40 years as GOD'S EVERYTHING

You've never failed to amaze me...

2010-10-27T09:14:00.002+08:00

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try.

-- Yoda

A worshipper of God.

A daughter.

A sister.

A civil servant.

A wannabe in adulthood.

An INFJ.

A secretive person.

Dream it. Believe it. Do it.

-- Will.I.Am

Oh, the Relationships!

2010-10-25T12:16:00.004+08:00

Perhaps it's time to indulge in something worthy of a hobby.

So, is it going to be:

reading;postingfbs;gym;travelling;magazines;photography;pamelakhooisawesome;chcpgisawesome;flaminglipsisgodawesome;heritageconservation;architectureappreciation;finedining;cooking;financialeducation;contemplatingmasterdegreebutimbroke;settingstandards;vocalclass;etc.

Amazing how it all starts to make sense.

Walking On A Dream

How can I explain
Talking to myself
Will I see again

We are always running for the thrill of it thrill of it
Always pushing up the hill searching for the thrill of it
On and on and on we are calling out and out again
Never looking down I’m just in awe of what’s in front of me

Is it real now
When two people become one
I can feel it
When two people become one

Thought I’d never see
The love you found in me
Now it’s changing all the time
Living in a rhythm where the minutes working overtime

Catch me I’m falling down
Catch me I’m falling down

Don’t stop just keep going on
I’m your shoulder lean upon
So come on deliver from inside
All we got is tonight that is right till first light

On A Sleepless Night

2010-10-04T23:03:00.002+08:00

It takes courage and strength to stand here. This point of time.
And I sometimes wonder, if a person such as myself could have stooped so low, at this point of time, almost desperate, gasping for air to breath.
I'm terrified.
I'm scared.
I fear for my life.
And then all these feelings just disappear as soon as it had appeared.
And then SILENCE.

Come sorrow is so peculiar
It comes in a day, and it never leaves you
You take a pill, wonder if it will fix you
They wonder why sorrow has never left you ~ Mika, Blue Eyes

I'm holding on tight, but it would be nice to have someone talk with me to sleep, and just be comfy to...

Paused:

2010-09-26T15:10:00.002+08:00

Disclaimer: Soul Searching Mode.

An insurance agent recently asked me if I had any "needs" that he could "assist" me with. Well, i replied, "Mr. ****, is this refering to the insurance, or is this refering to something else?" - and simply walked away. Sorry. No pun intended for all insurance agents. But when a random long lost aquaintance, ex-colleague, or someone really random just comes over to you only to "share something which would change your life forever", you just had to know that the conversation is over. Period.

And then there's my hopes, dream, vision, my future.
And in the end, You just know it that I'll be back, just the way I am.
Selah, Time to Pause, Praise and Peservere!

The Mooncake Festival

2010-09-22T20:44:00.007+08:00

Perhaps, the only likely way to ever celebrate true freedom is really to be set free... in TRUTH and in SPIRIT.

And it's just amazing to be able to love You Jehovah Rapha, just the way You are.

Night time

2010-09-15T00:40:00.002+08:00

Remember a moment in time when you couldn't even begin to explain yourself, at a particular moment in time, when you just felt like crying, or laughing at yourself, but you just end up swallowing the whole thing back into your heart.... Well, this is one of those moments.

Therefore I end up sitting in front of my laptop, and realise that I have nothing to write, because there is just overwhelmingly so much going on today.

And I just feel like crying my heads off. But there is just none.

God, it's deafening silence around here.

...And Now, for Something Completely Different!

2010-09-13T12:18:00.004+08:00

If this blog has been nothing more than just mindless cut-and-paste articles and what not from other blogs/ articles/ clues etc of late, then I think it is time to come forward to put all speculations/ gossips/ riddles/ jokes/wangadoodles etc to rest. For Good. So, Point blank, and without prejudice, here's my part of the story.

Because on somewhat this day exactly 2 years ago, I was looking for a new direction. it was a question of direction I pursued to either stay in Johor Bahru or to return to Penang. I chosed the latter. It was a tough one.

Well, 2 years down the road - I'm back on this track again. The crossroad.
This time around, it is having to choose the relationship I wish to allow myself to be with.

No. This has nothing to do with boys. And No. I'm not about to slash/ delete/ unfriend people whom I've been in touched with.

IT has more to do with my mind, and the delusion I've been living throughout these years, and coming to terms with it. I have been living a wasted life, because of my past. The reason for my very being gradually came to a complete halt, simply because I have allowed my past glories to consume me, that I have simply pushed relationships aside in favor of my perfectionism to take over - a pushover[?].

And the awakening came, ironically - through a recent "unfriending" of a person I wish to acknowledge here as Mr H, a series of sermon shared by my leaders in chcpg, siblings and my parents.

... And Just Like That, I woke up. I woke UP, acknowledging that on this day exactly 2 years later, I find myself to be looking for a new direction. AGAIN.

And you know what's the best part of it all?

I'VE NEVER FELT MORE ALIVE.

It's like having Perrier Water flowing through my soul - Free Flow.

It's like blasting "Cave In" by OwlCity again and again.

It's like knowing that my family and friends are relatable again.

The best part of all these... is knowing that I can look forward to a better tomorrow.

Thank you, Lord.

Psalm 1:1

2010-09-11T07:17:00.002+08:00

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.
~Psalm 1:1

I think the pause is beginning to feel really long this time around.

To My Brother..

2010-09-06T01:06:00.003+08:00

It's been a while since your room had it's lights on at night.
It's been a while since you watched ESPN.
It's been a while since you last used the home computer.
It's been a while since your friends would come over to our house to have steamboat/ps2 sessions.
It's been a while since we even last talked.

To think that time flies and I couldn't even bring myself to talk to you about university life
To think that I wasn't there when you had your first heartbreak
Or there when you got your stpm results
Or there when you needed your family
Or was it just me, only being there when you needed someone to have a big fight over?

They say that it would be almost impossible to mend this drift
It would take a lifetime, proven and tested trials
To even begin thinking of reconciliation
Or restoration of this relationship.

Perhaps, afterall that's being said and done,
I am really proud of the fine young man you've turn out to be
And the person whom I wished I was but was never able to be
Amidst the thoughts of a wishful doubt and disppointment in the past,

Do you think this time, that
Perhaps, I could be your sister again?

Sunscreen by Baz Luhrmann

2010-08-29T02:08:00.002+08:00

Was digging out my Form 1 English tuition exercise book, when I found this set of lyrics copied into my book. Darn long this one. Some may have heard it, some may have not. Back in the 90s this song/rap/lyrical reading by this dude called the Sunscreen! Oh well, Enjoy!

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99,

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.

But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….

You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you... Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours... Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements... Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…

what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.. Dance…

Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft...Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.

Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

2010-08-10T10:54:00.007+08:00

Obedience

Fickle Minded

Patience

Gullible

Truth

Fear

depression

Self Confidence

Selfishness

Spite

Courage

Faithfulness

fruitfullness

Self Control

Kindness

LOVE....

He Who Was a Gentleman

2010-07-06T10:20:00.003+08:00

-He was my best friend. A Platonic one.
He taught me to live life to the fullest.
He told me, that I needed to trust in God wholeheartedly and trust in no one else.
Love everyone like you love yourself.
Be courageous and be merciful towards others.
And many more.

He got news that he's about to leave for good.
And just like that... He's gone.

Dang. My stomach's lurching all over my foot.
Why is always like this with dramas?
=___________=

Ramblings

2010-07-06T00:06:00.002+08:00

It's the first half of the year - gone.

Change is the only constant. Because staying where you are in life isn't an option.

And having an option only appears when you are poised to change.

Little brother just left for KL to read Law.
Mom's interest in Cafe world/Farmville/ Facebook shames most FB users around so to speak. Still very much into knitting.
Dad's hair's grown so much whiter than it was just last year.
Little sister's growing in style, and in fashion, vogue.

Funny, when I begin to pray for them, that these small little memories just flased through my mind, mindlessly, randomly just thinking of them.

Lord, I just commit my family into Your hands. Amen

I Just Want You

2010-06-11T11:32:00.003+08:00

Verse 1:
More than a nice melody
more than the sweetest of words
this is the love I have found
and in this love I am found

Chorus:
I just want You, Jesus
I just want You, my Lord
I just want You, Jesus
I just want You

Verse 2:
Never could I comprehend
The love You so freely gave
Never could I be with You
But Your love covers all of my sins

Bridge:
There is no greater love than Yours
Nothing else could ever compare
And even if I searched all the world
I will never find a love like Yours...

Reigniting my love for You.
Some words I just want to share with my Lord.

Planet Shakers - Deeper